


standstill

by joahdun



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Double Life, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-09-30 19:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17230106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joahdun/pseuds/joahdun
Summary: When Clary was stripped of her runes and sent off to live in another country, Alec didn't know what to think. But he certainly didn't expect to run into her in downtown London, with no clue of who she used to be.orThe one where Clary is banished and Alec, now single and heartbroken, runs into her and hopes to redeem himself with fixing her.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY SO
> 
> I don't know how many of you guys know about this but basically when you write stuff on here it doesn't automatically save (the bane of my whole damn existance, you will never know just how many works of lost bc i didn't save it) but this was like the one time I actually did copy evetything I wrote to google docs. 
> 
> And thank fuck i did, because i tried to post it and it failed, but luckily my sTORY WAS ON GOOGLE DOCS SO I DIDN'T LOOSE LIKE A MONTHS WORTH OF WRITING/EDITING YEAHH
> 
>  
> 
> also don't think too hard about which book this is set in bc it probably won't make sense it was supposed to be sometime before the city of heavenly fire but like,, a twisted before?? dunno
> 
>  
> 
> hope yall enjoy xoxo

Darkness. 

It was the only thing he could register in the weird space between being awake and asleep. 

A tug in his mind, and he let himself drift off once more. 

 

The second time he almost came to, he could feel a lingering touch against his hand. It was warm and spoke of comfort, and was vaguely familiar, and he wished he could curl his fingers into the gentle grasp. 

He found his fingers wouldn't listen to him, but he couldn't be bothered as sleep washed over him. 

 

The third time, the lights pierced into his eyes when he wearily cracked them open, and his throat felt like it was going to tear open as a small groan of pain ripped from his chest. 

Noise erupted around him and he flinched as someone began to scream loudly, groggily wondering what the hell was going on. 

 

It started to come back to him. 

The battle. 

The cool metal against his back, until it was inside of him and the searing pain that had only been there for a few moments, before it blended into the numbness that had lasted up until now. 

 

"Izzy," He croaked, recognizing the shrill calls to who he now noted as his boyfriend, Magnus. "Shuddup." 

He heard a wet laugh, and hurried footsteps. 

Words were exchanged over his head, cool fingers running along the side of his face. 

He didn't remember when he had closed his eyes, but it was too late to open them as he unwillingly let sleep drag him down again. 

 

\- - - 

_"Clary?" _Alec asked again for the third time, disbelief clear in his voice.__

__Izzy, to her credit, didn't seem annoyed, just sighed gently and brushed the hair off his forehead. He swept her hand aside, and watched her as she brought out her stele to redraw the iratze._ _

__"Yes, Clary. I didn't believe it when I first heard it either, I never would have thought she was the one who was lying to us. She's going to get stripped of her title and sent away if they vote yes, which they probably will." Her voice was steady, but the small tremors in her hand showed she wasn't as put together as she showed._ _

__"And to think, I felt like I had a sister."_ _

__Alec swallowed roughly at the statement, surprised by how much this affected him. He never realized how much he had trusted her until now, which didn't do much other than making him feel even worse._ _

__They both started as the door swung open, Izzy knocking over the vase of some yellow flowers over. Swearing, she bent to grab a towel from the drawer but Magnus had already waved his hand, instantly drying the nightstand._ _

__"Alec, Izzy. I've been trying to prove Clary's innocent, but it's basically impossible. Whoever planned this clearly thought this through incredibly well, and time isn't exactly on our side."_ _

__Alec looked up, surprised. "Wait, Clary's innocent?" Magnus froze at the foot of the bed, eyes flickering between the Lightwoods._ _

__"Are you doubting Clary's loyalty to the Clave?" He asked in a way that only suggested that there would be one answer._ _

__Silence._ _

__Izzy was staring at the floor, hands gripping the edge of the nightstand so tightly her knuckles were white. "Isabelle," Magnus said again, more forceful now. "You cannot genuinely believe that _Clary _of all people would have done all of this."___ _

____She swallowed thickly, but said nothing._ _ _ _

____"Wait," Alec interrupted, "I thought Clary did something to us that proved she was the traitor." Magnus glanced at him, before sighing. "Someone has planted videos and some other undeniable proofs of her having something to do with the deaths and helping Sebastian in his insane mission."_ _ _ _

____"Exactly, undeniable proof. Magnus, you can't really think that all of the evidence was planter, there's some truth to it all."_ _ _ _

____"Yes, she was there but the situation has been twisted-"_ _ _ _

____"Twisted, my ass. Sounds like a last ditch attempt from someone who has been caught." Isabelle whirled around, her cheeks flushed with anger._ _ _ _

____Magnus said nothing, but his movements were stiff as he turned and made his was briskly to the door. "Alexander," he said as he reached the doorway. "I sincerely hope that you are the more logical Lightwood, and that you can use your sense to determine the obvious."_ _ _ _

____And without looking back, he was gone._ _ _ _

____\----_ _ _ _

____Clary didn't know what to do._ _ _ _

____She couldn't help but be reminded of what happened the first time the Inquisitor brought Jace down here, and she had blasted the door off its frame to find him again. Her heart panged as she thought about how worried he probably was, and she wished for what seemed like the millionth time that she hadn't frozen up when they had taken her, that she had been able to say or do _something _that could have told them she was innocent.___ _ _ _

______The cell was dark and uncomfortable, but the silence was the worst. Alone with her thoughts, her mind spun out the worst scenarios that ramped her anxiety up until she was sitting in the corner, heart racing and restless to just shatter the chains and run. Hours passed by and she felt more suffocated every second she breathed the stale air, every noise she made ten times louder than it would normally be._ _ _ _ _ _

______Silence._ _ _ _ _ _

______Silence._ _ _ _ _ _

______Silence._ _ _ _ _ _

______She screamed at the top of her lungs, back arching off the wall, blood running down her wrists where the metal burned the once soft skin._ _ _ _ _ _

______Nothing._ _ _ _ _ _

______Frustrated and helpless, she flopped back against the floor and stared at the ceiling, ignoring the hot tears running into her hair._ _ _ _ _ _

______-_ _ _ _ _ _

______After what felt like months, the cell door finally swung open, so silently Clary wouldn't have heard it if she hadn't been hearing nothing but her own breathing for a long while. She shot straight up, eyes wide at the two hooded figures right in front of her._ _ _ _ _ _

_______Clary Fairchild. ____ _ _ _ _ _

________She started at the sudden voice, somehow too loud even though she knew they were speaking in a whisper._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Your trial shall begin in three hours time. You shall be given all but a half an hour before to clean up, before the High Warlock of Brooklyn Magnus Bane, speaking in your favor, shall pick you up. Once you have had your discussion, the Clave shall see you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Clary nodded, and the two brothers picked her up from either side, their grasps cold on her bicep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________When the sun finally hit her face, she cried._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Alec watched from his bed as Magnus paced the room anxiously, reading and rereading a crisp sheet._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Magnus," He tried to catch his boyfriend's attention for the umpteenth time, and just like before, he got an absent minded wave in reply. He sighed, falling back against the headboard and wincing when the metal bit into his wound. Gingerly sitting up again, he pulled off the covers and shakily stood up and making his way over to the warlock._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Gently grasping his shoulders, Alec turned him around and cupped his face. "Breathe. You're not going to get much more from reading this page again, i'm sure you already have it memorized."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Magnus closed his eyes and sighed, pressing a small kiss against Alec's hand. "I know, i'm just worried."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Alec gave a wry chuckle at that, pecking him lightly on the mouth. "How about this, nobody has told me anything yet. No matter what the Clave decides, if you can convince me that she's innocent, you can consider this half a victory."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The warlock gave him half a smile, dropping the paper on the bedside table. "A quarter of a victory, because you're biased."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Alec scoffed. "You dare question my professionalism?" He asked in a deep voice which finally got his adorable boyfriend to laugh and pull him into a hug._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I would never." Magnus whispered from his neck, and neither of them brought up how tightly he was grasping Alec's white infirmary shirt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The room, Clary had to admit, was very nice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________At first she had been so eager to take a shower she had just stripped off her clothes and practically jumped into the warm spray. There were many citrusy smelling washes, and she had plucked out a grapefruit one that reminded her of home and scrubbed her skin until she felt like it would peel off. She had washed all the dried sweat and grime out of her hair, and by the time she stepped out, her whole body was a bright shade of red. Feeling vaguely like a hot cheeto, she had wrapped a towel around her torso and hair, enjoying the feel of the cool air as she walked out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The room was neat, with white walls and a wide window proudly displaying midday New York. She stared out the window for a few seconds, watching oblivious people rushing by, some on their phones, some laughing, one even crying in the front of a coffee shop. They had no idea that her whole world could be compromised in a matter of hours, and they probably never would._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Exhaling sharply, she turned to the closet and picked out some clothes. They had a matching set of black undergarments which were sinfully soft and hugged her body perfectly. Slightly disturbed that they knew what lingerie would suit her, she jumped into her jeans and pulled on a snug black t-shirt and a forest green denim jacket._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She stared at her reflection in the full body mirror by the bed. In the time it had taken her to get ready, she could ignore her dawning fate. But now, staring at her own flushed face, the sick feeling rose into her chest once more. Was it really possible that everyone thought that after all she'd done, she was really a traitor?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Her thoughts went back to the cell, her mind spinning a dreadful imagine of everyone she loved- Jace, Simon, even her mother and Luke- staring at her in disgust, calling her a traitor and abandoning her. Clary barely noticed her nails cutting into her palm until a sharp knock at the door startled her out of her thoughts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Come in," She called out, and the door swung open to a very flustered Magnus, who immediately began to talk._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I know I was only supposed to see you in the last half hour but i managed to convince them to let me see you early, so now we have almost quadruple that time. Overall, it looks awful in your favor, but i've been looking up loopholes and I think i've found one, so we might have a chance. Also, you look gorgeous biscuit, are you feeling alright? Would you like some tea, water, maybe even some rum if they've got it here," At this he stopped, surveying the room. "No unfortunately not. Shame. Well come here, you look somewhat ill." He pulled her into a warm embrace and she hid her face in his neck, savoring the comfort he radiated._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"There, there," He said gently, patting her back. "I'm here. I believe you, and I'm going to try everything I can, I promise you." She took a shaky breath before pulling back. "Is Jace..." She trailed off, hoping he would understand, hoping she wouldn't get the answer she had been dreading for days._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Magnus averted her eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Her heart sank, and she stumbled backwards onto the bed, rubbing her face roughly. "He can't really believe I'd try to kill him," A huge lump grew in her throat, and she hurriedly wiped her eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I'm sorry darling, they've got it all wrong. They don't know what you and I know."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"They? Who's they?" Magnus flinched, clearly regretting bringing it up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Most of the Clave, and a lot of people you know," He said, being frustratingly vague. "Anyways,-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Magnus."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He sighed, closing his eyes. "All of your friends and family except for your parents, Simon, and Alec."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She felt her throat closing up and she choked on her next words, only managing to get out a strangled half sob half wail before she broke down. Magnus gripped her tightly, kissing her hair over and over again. He was saying something but she couldn't hear it, she could only hear a loud ringing in her ears and the sharp pain of her nails on her palm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"This is so unfair," she sobbed, and they both sat there in their misery, helpless to what was inevitably going to happen._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Magnus, true to his word, fought for her until the very end._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She remembered how two shadowhunters she didn't know entered the room to see them clutching each other, silent and resigned. They had waited patiently while they got up, and watched as Magnus gently grabbed her face and told her to breathe and wiped away the last of her tears. They stood on either side of Clary, who was clutching Magnus's hand like a lifeline, and she had never felt so weak and strong at the same time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Heads turned as she passed, Clary could hear their whispers but nothing could hurt her, not anymore._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She remembered sitting there, with what felt like the whole world's eyes on her. The faces of the people she thought were her friends, her family, turned away from her blank stare, or glaring at her with the hate she never could have imagined would be directed at her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She remembered Magnus slamming his hands in frustration on the desk so hard the wood cracked, his loud yells for them to understand, to see what only the two of them could._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She remembered Alec's face, at first hopeful but as the videos were shown, as the rings were brought out, as he saw everything that he should have known was fake but he didn't, turn pale and hurt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She watches as the Clave voted, and she could barely feel anything as a clear majority voted against her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She could barely feel a thing when Magnus sat down again harshly, breathing fast._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She could barely feel a thing as they escorted her out of the room, alone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She could barely feel a thing as they burned the runes off her body, until her skin was smooth and clear again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She could barely feel a thing now, as she sat in Magnus's loft and he prepared to wipe her memories once again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Her mother and Luke were on either side of her, grasping her shoulders as if that would make her stay._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Jace, Izzy, Alec, all of her dearest friends stood watching, stone faced._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________A Brother Zachariah watched as Magnus poured a potion into a glass cup, thin and gold._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Clary slowly realized that the warlock was crouched in front of her, asking her something._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Huh?" She shook herself out of her daze. Magnus swallowed before repeating his questions. "Any last words you want to say as Clary Fairchild?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She took a deep breath, before fixing her gaze on Jace. "You can take away my memories, but you can never forget about me. When you find that I am innocent, you will never be able to forget what you took away from me, but I get the peace of forgetting."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________And with that, she closed her eyes and let the darkness engulf her mind._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec runs into Clary for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ssksjd ADRIANS ARCHERY CAMP WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING although holloway art camp isn't much better this is why i dont name things 
> 
> this chapter is kind of a mess but i kind of like it so we're going with it 
> 
> also i was rereading the series and alec curses like a sailor and honestly i can have so much fun with that bc same

When Alec was younger, Idris was his dream place. The silent streets, and the beautiful parks were his favorite places to go, a relief from all the crying and screaming that followed him around the Institute whenever his siblings were around. 

Clearly, he didn't know much about the outer world. 

As he portalled off into the middle of London, he didn't know what he expected. Not that he could remember now that he was swept up in the chaos, his heart in his throat as he tried to get his bearings amongst the shoving crowds. 

Once he could actually breathe again, Alec took a good look around and nearly lost his breath all over again. He distinctly remembered England being known for having shit weather but he could not make any sense of it as the warm rays of sunlight floated through the air, specks of dust floating around like glitter in the air. 

_Glitter._

__He swallowed roughly, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning on, and adjusted his duffel bag on his shoulder. Now was not the time to get distracted, he reminded himself harshly, before making his way through the crowd to find his building._ _

__The building, when he arrived after half an hour of confused wandering, had nothing on the size, nor the grandeur of the Institute, but Alec found he rather liked the cozy feel, and instantly relaxed. _Magnus would have liked it here, _he noted bitterly but quickly shook the thoughts out of his head as a short, skinny woman came to the counter and smiled at him.___ _

____"Hello," She greeted. Her accent was strong and but she spoke clearly, her grip strong as she shook his hand. "You must be Alec Lightwood, am I correct?" He nodded, and she smiled. "Welcome to Holloway's Art Camp, get comfortable in room 25 because that's going to be your new home for the next year."_ _ _ _

____And that was how, ten minutes later, Alec found himself in a rather tight bedroom, with a desk that was the same size as the bed. There were two windows which illuminated the entire room, and warmed his bones when he stepped into the rays. He absentmindedly opened his duffel bag and began to put his things away._ _ _ _

____\---_ _ _ _

____The smell of paint hit him as soon as he walked in, unconsciously making him scowl as he walked through the room. There was a circle of canvases set up around a naked woman who was posing rather uncomfortably, and raising an amused eyebrow at his assumedly shocked look. Quickly averting his eyes, he spotted the teacher and beelined for her, stopping awkwardly at the desk._ _ _ _

____"Hi." He began._ _ _ _

____"Hi." She echoed back at him, gazing up blankly at him._ _ _ _

____Great start._ _ _ _

____"Um. I think i'm supposed to be here. My name's Alec Lightwood?" She hummed at that, moving to shift through the pages on her messy desk._ _ _ _

____"Oh, here you are. You're with Rachel, she's the one next to the glass dog. Essentially you're just sketching out the idea and uh, you chose the clay stuff right? Well, you just start working on your piece and then get her to help you paint or. Oh wait she- oh no, okay, she can do some clay, so you're fine. Just work something out again." She smiled distractedly, pointing to the far end of the room. "Glass dog. Go."_ _ _ _

____She reminded him vaguely of Isabelle, and found himself wondering what they were doing. He should call them sometime soon, Alec mused, before nearly slipping on spilt paint into the white glass dog._ _ _ _

____"Careful," an eerily familiar voice remarked lightly. "I've whacked myself on that bloody dog so many times, my crotch will be purple by the time we're done with this project." His heart in his throat, he snapped his head around to see _Clary _staring at him with a small smirk on her face, eyebrows raised and a dash of brown paint underneath her bright green eyes.___ _ _ _

______"Clary," He choked out, his mind was racing but he was frozen, unable to tear his eyes away from her face._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Nope, Rachel." Clary-Rachel-Alec didn't know anymore-grinned at his, and reached out to flick his arm. "You alright there? You look like you've seen a ghost."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Swallowing thickly, he let out a short laugh. "Yeah, something like that."_ _ _ _ _ _

______She shook her head and turned back to her work, and all Alec could do was flop down next to her and laugh weakly at her amused look._ _ _ _ _ _

_______Fuck._ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
